‘C’ stands for Control

The ‘C’ for Saturday is CONTROL

number five in thePowerchange ‘SEVEN’ course we are running at Bethany Cottage on Saturday’s once a month.  For most of us control is a BIG DEAL.screenshot_529

This is a MASSIVELY important thing to consider, as it impacts of so much of our lives and thinking.

Are we really in Control – do we want to be?

  • What about ‘luck’, chance, predestination, God, freewill, and mathematical randomness – where and how do they fit in?
  • What about the responsibilities I have?  If I have children or a job that involves 100s of other people’s lives – how do those responsibilities ‘dictate’ my life?
  • Or maybe it is  believing that I CAN be in control (or that I actually am in some way) that really matters?
  • Needless to say, what YOU think matters – or should that read: What you THINK matters?!  Of course it does.
  • When I feel such a small cog in such a big wheel, am I just deluding myself when I want to be in control – or it it wiser to give up – and how would that affect my life?
  • By the end of Saturday it will be nice to have some fresh perspectives (or whatever) that we can use to calm, reassure and inspire us.

There will, of course, be the gentle atmosphere of Bethany Cottage, the laughter, chatter, good food, and good company of the others in the group. If you’ve never been to one of these days and would like to join us on one in the future, let me know – or sign up on the front page of Powerchange.com (right hand column!) and we’ll keep you in touch.

And while we are on the subject, what about people who want to control screenshot_528US? And how do we get back into control of things that have now taken us over – or are ‘beyond our control’?  How do we control other people?  Discipline? Punishment? Rules and Laws? Prison?  And then there is SELF-control. Do any of us have it?

And what about those of us who are born nonconformist?   😉

Maybe the need or desire to be in control is overrated, or control is a delusion and we can just give up and ‘go home’?  Then what?  

Well, I suspect that people WILL ‘go home’ at the end of the day (we’ve only so many beds!) but with some clearer thoughts, some peace of mind, and a more mature view of what Control might be about. Three ‘Top Truths’ about Control that can guide us, perhaps. Might be particularly useful in this pretty foundation-less and insecure world.

You could send me a quick comment on a time when you felt very out of control – and how you got BACK into control again.  Or didn’t.


Acceptance or Affection?

Acceptance or affection – what would your priority choice be?

two children hugging
Tender picture of a little girl showing her brother(?) how much she loves him!  (Borrowed from www.beliefnet.com. It seems to be a neat little multi-faith site and worth the visit I made to it.)

I’ve thought a lot about it this month  – not least because we are running the next ‘C’ in the SEVEN series in Powerchange and its ‘Clarity’ and as I was preparing the course I wanted clarity on this for me.  Acceptance or Affection?

For me it is definitely affection.  Acceptance is great, but affection is better.  Acceptance is an early condition that allows affection to flow, but affection changes us at a different level.  Acceptance makes the connection.  Affection is the content. It is the oil, acceptance is the pipeline and tap. Affection ‘affects’ us, pouring in the tenderness and warmth, the love that human beings are designed to respond to…

… provided it is sincere.  I guess insincere ‘affection’ is no more than treating the other person as a toy. I’m not even going to suggest ‘sincere affection’ as a qualifier, because affection HAS to be sincere in order to fulfil the definition.

Affection is giving not taking.  It means something is transferred from one person to another. Affection is transforming – even in animals. Their heart rate slows, breathing becomes deeper,  ‘good’ chemicals flow around their arteries and into their cells. Oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine.

Affection  – bring it on!  Sex is about reproduction. Making love is about affection. A kiss on each cheek is (normally – there are notable exceptions) about acceptance.  A sincere durable hug is more affectionate. Affection – the expression of sincere love.

Affection. It grows as it is spread around. People around you are desperate for some. Share some today.



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