Supremely Confident? I hope so!

I wasn’t quite sure how to take it then, nor when it has happened since. Was it an accusation, a mere description, or something else.  The person had asked what did, and I described my coaching and how effective it was in the lives of my clients.

First my honest description, then came the exclamation, “You are supremely confident!”  I simply said yes. With a little more analysis, I suspect the word ‘supremely’ is a bit over the top, but I am confident in what I can do, yes. I was glad when the person accepted it as an honest response – which it was. (*see Postscript below)

What are you really good at?

This blog isn’t primarily about me. Its about you. The truth is, like me you’re really good at 100s of things. Reading this. Speaking English. Telling a story. Getting dressed.  Eating lunch.  Saying kind things to complete strangers (maybe you haven’t found out just HOW good you are at that one yet!)  I’m good at Therapeutic Coaching. Very good in fact. To deny it for the sake of some inconsistent false modesty serves no one in the end.

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Some people are really good at doing things that harm them. Putting themselves down.  Self deception (that’s telling themselves things that aren’t true). Jumping to negative conclusions. Describing themselves as being low in confidence, or hopeless, or a failure.  With such thoughts and words they literally form their physical brains, and the thoughts become self-fulfilling.

Those of us who have left what Robert Kiyosaki calls the ‘Rat Race’ of employment to start their own businesses or become self-employed know that unless we are confident in what we can do (and it goes without saying, can match the words with reality) potential clients are very unlikely to be confident in what we can do for them, with disastrous results for both the client and the business.

I have had the privilege of changing the lives of uncountable thousands of people’s lives across the world through those I have coached and trained through Powerchange. I suspect only a tiny percentage of those people would be different (freer, happier, more fulfilled and content, more motivated, stronger,richer, more inspired, off their psychotherapeutic medication) if my response to that statement had been a mumbling self-effacing, pseudo-humble denial. What might happen when you speak honestly about what you’ve done.  Besides which, would you go to an eye surgeon who was stumbling and unsure of himself? I wouldn’t.

Know what you are good at.

Accept that you are good at it.

Be Better at it tomorrow than you are today.

Don’t be afraid to say so.

If this blog has highlighted something important for you, take a moment to email me about it, andrew@powerchange.com. You might need a bit of therapeutic coaching – or maybe find out you really don’t!

*PS:  I had explained how people change when I work with them, often radically and permanently, often to the surprise and delight of their GP, and occasionally in the face of disbelief from their psychiatrist. Sadly, the unenlightened view of many so-called ‘psychological disorders’ still is that they are incurable, so “We’ll put you on these tablets for life”, as one person quoted their GP, becomes the norm. My client didn’t take the tablets at all, so wasn’t on them for even a day, and has never needed them.

Andrew’s Secrets of Successful Coaching: #2

Here it is: Get to the Hidden Truth.

The important word here is ‘hidden’. Truth seems to come in at three levels, public, private and hidden.

Public Truth is what we tell other people is the truth. And it is of course, or at least some of the truth. None of it is technically untrue, but provides a favourable slant, putting us in a good light. (Or a self-deprecating light if we prefer that!)IMG_1924.JPG

Private Truth is the truth that we would rather our public did not know. We may confess it to a priest, a good friend, or a coach or counsellor, but it has a definite element of confidentiality about it. One reason for this confidentiality is that the consequences of that ‘truth’ getting out may be potentially very damaging, not just to us (not necessarily EVEN to us) but to others we care about or something else we value highly.

Hidden Truth is of a different order all together. It isn’t necessarily secret – though it may be. It is hidden. It is this ‘deep truth’ that we may not realise ourselves, so hidden it has become inaccessible to us. Initially we may have deliberately buried it deep, or distorted it to ourselves, so even we won’t be able to find it.  And then we discover how successful we’ve been: it is now distorting US and we can’t find it whatever we type into the ‘Search’ box of our memory.

I’ve been coaching professionally for 15 years now, and I reckon it is the revelation of this truth that is often the MOST freeing. When we’ve found the ‘file’ it is in, we can delete it, or at least restore it to its uncorrupted original.  It brings instant and wide-ranging freedom:

“My parents’ divorce never was my fault!”
“I couldn’t have made any difference to saving the girl’s life if I had wanted to.”
“I was only five – he was an adult.”

Signs of a Hidden Truth lurking:
“OK, so how do I know when there is a Hidden Truth distorting my life?”

You’ll know. Here is an incomplete list of signs:

  • Sabotaging yourself
  • Never quite succeeding for some reason
  • Going to great (irrational) lengths to avoid a particular situation 
  • NEVER (or ALWAYS!) doing this or that 
  • Feeling you need to be ‘careful’ all the time 
  • Never really knowing a ‘sense of abandon’
  • Never seeming to be able to shake off a sense of fear
  • Feeling ‘hampered’, as they say in snooker.

Even when the Hidden Truth reveals you were wrong, at least it gives an opportunity to accept that aspect of your humanity and grow some more, drawing useful learning from it for the future.  As I’ve said before, the chances are a person cannot get to this Hidden Truth by himself or herself. The person is too ‘inside’ it. So you need to see a pro – not least because friends and family are too close.  

Remember…

A professional coach will ask the key questions no one else is asking, and won’t be swayed by red herrings or smoke screens (human beings are highly skilled at keeping hidden truth well and truly hidden) and won’t let you out of a bolt hole. After all, YOU want to get to it too, don’t you?  That is what a good coach will do for the client – get to it. He or she will ask questions – in a way that works – that reveals the Hidden Truth.

A pro will provide the solutions to SORTING IT OUT. And when all is revealed,  the source of the pain, discomfort or persistent unhappiness loses its power, and peace and joy become a much more real possibility.  More often than not the new understanding becomes highly useful and explains so much about your life that didn’t make sense before.  

That is my Second Secret of Successful Coaching: Get to the Hidden Truth. 

Persistent happiness?

K3 Solutions available here icon
K3 – the ‘Big Three’ killers. Thankfully there are viable and fast solutions available today – and you don’t need a prescription.

As you know, I cannot bear the fact that so many people live with persistent UN-happiness, and part of my mission in life is to be a relief worker in the world of emotional pain.  But I’m also concerned about people, me included, being persistently happy. For me it would imply that my life is wishy-washy, unchallenging, boring.  Life is about experiencing the ups and downs of emotion.  During the tough times we develop emotional and spiritual muscles (and often physical ones) and that keeps us fit and healthy. Muscles that are rarely used soon atrophy, or become easily strained. Ask any athlete.

However there is a difference between experiencing unhappiness and being overwhelmed by it or never knowing relief. Both are traumatic. Both are damaging psychologically for different reasons.  We pick up the belief in these times that we are trapped and have lost any ability to control, and that is what does the damage. Trappedness is another evidence of not being in control. It is a killer. It leads to the K3, the Big Three Killer emotional dis-eases: Worthlessness, Helplessness, and Hopelessness. Experienced together for any length of time, they bring a desire to permanently escape the trap – ultimately through a conscious choice of suicide or behaving oddly, or sometimes by our bodies taking over and making an unconscious choice on our behalf to free us from the pain via terminal illness or the use of other sorts of emotional pain relief: alcohol, sex, food, legal and illegal drugs, obsessive endorphine production, distraction techniques, etc. When we stop them the pain returns, so we become addicted to them.

If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms of K3, do something about it now before the dis-ease ends up as serious illness. There is plenty of evidence now associating emotional trauma with serious physical illnesses. The good news is the downward spiral CAN usually be halted and then reversed by a skilled specialist. There are all sorts of ways of doing this, but it is rare for people to be able to coach themselves through them because we do not see our lives so clearly from the inside, and of course if we had known the answer we would have done it ages ago.

‘The sooner the better’ is the important thing to remember here. Time IS of the essence, because as the self-destruct process bites there is a stage beyond which (or in places of the body where) the physical damage may be so extensive that recovery is not so straightforward.

If you suspect that Powerchange can be part of the answer, just get in touch. We’re here to help.

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